Placebo Read online

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  This is for all of the freaks and degenerates who make this world an interesting place…

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  P A U L A L L I H

  PLACEBO

  COPYRIGHT © PAUL ALLIH 2011

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  CHAPTER 1

  Emma sits in the comfort of her warm room as the rain comes down outside. The smell of black cherry incense surrounds her as the sounds of Depeche Mode bleed from the stereo speakers. Reading her book, she is lost in the story about a character that she deeply wishes were her. In this tale, a beautiful teenage girl named Sarah falls in love with a masculine vampire named Leland. Together, the two fight for their love in a fantastic world of the romantic macabre. With every page, Emma attempts to escape the tragically mundane life that she has come to know so well in her short sixteen With

  year tenor.

  a knock on the door, Emma's older sister Kelly walks in, "Hey, are you ready to go?"

  Emma snaps out of her book, with a shake of her head.

  "Yeah", she replies, standing up to turn her radio off.

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  Kelly looks her up and down in confusion, "Is that how you're going for a job interview?"

  "Sure. I mean, it's only a fuckin' book shop."

  Emma is wearing a long, black skirt that cuts off at her knees with a pair of 24 eye-hole combat boots strapped to her feet. For a top, she is wrapped in a sexy corset that keeps her breasts perked up. Over her shoulders, Emma dons a lacy, see-through slip. Taking in how her sister is dressed, Kelly knows driving her to the interview would just be a waste of time.

  Shaking her head, Kelly replies, "I'm not taking you, unless you change."

  "Jesus!" Emma screams with a stomp of her boot, "I'm gonna be late!"

  Kelly fires back, "You should have thought about that before you confused a job interview for a costume audition at Rocky Horror!"

  Slamming the bedroom door behind her, Kelly walks out to the back porch and lights a cigarette. Inhaling the first taste, she exhales as she shakes her head in irritation, wondering when she is ever going to grow up. Emma and Kelly have very few things in common. Aside from liking similar music, the two are polar opposites mentally and physically.

  Kelly is a tall, thin brunette with blue eyes and slightly tanned skin; many would refer to her as "model pretty".

  Emma has a thick hour glass figure and is pretty as well, but she covers her face in dark make up that doesn't quite match her tan skin tones and dyes her hair blue-black. While Kelly dresses conservatively, wearing her rebellion on the inside; Emma constantly looks like she is going to a gothic night club. Instead of reading sappy teen romance novels, Kelly reads non-fiction, mostly books about politics. Holding down a part-time job at a local pizzeria, Kelly wants to start college next semester while Emma seemingly has no plans to do anything.

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  As Kelly takes pulls from her cigarette out of frustration, Emma steps out on to the porch wearing something more appropriate for the occasion. Her hair is pulled back and the over the top make up is scrubbed off. She is wearing a conservative skirt and blouse while baring an expression of embarrassment.

  Kelly peers at her from the corner of her eye, "That's much better… now you look like you are interested in working."

  Shrugging at Kelly's response, Emma asks, "Has mom been out of her room yet?"

  Taking another drag from her smoke, Kelly answers in a smug tone, "Of course not… it's only eight in the morning."

  Ophelia has her share of problems, much like anyone else, but she does not slave the eight hour grind like so many do. Her working hours take her well into four or five in the morning. She is a closet drug addict and prostitute, and has been since after Emma was born. Her daughters sit patiently, waiting as a slew of men make their way through her life, each one taking another piece of her soul. They wait as she goes from fix to fix, barely making enough to pay the rent, let alone enough to put food on the table. The girls know what she does and there is nothing they can do, but hope for the day that she wakes up from her self induced nightmare.

  Emma simply shuts herself off from these sad realities while Kelly works to keep the family a float. Being a young woman with so much responsibility is hard on Kelly, but she knows that it has to be done. She knows that if it wasn't for her, Ophelia would be someone's property and Emma would be homeless; this why Kelly smokes. Every cigarette is a release of the nerves that conjugate into a knot at the pit of her stomach as she ages rapidly passed her years. All she can do is shake her head at her two loved ones and keep pushing forward, carrying the hopes that someday things will be better.

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  Kelly drives Emma to her job interview and drops her off around the corner from the book store. This way Emma can give the illusion that she has a reliable mode of transportation to get her to and from the store at anytime. Giving Emma a smile as a show of pride, she wishes her luck before driving off, happy that she is finally working towards pitching in.

  However, when Emma walks in, she wanders over to the Young Adult section and starts looking through the Paranormal Romance novels.

  After looking through the books, she chooses two paperbacks and walks over to the café in the center of the store. She orders her usual beverage for whenever she is there, a caramel-mocha latte topped whip cream. Waiting for her drink, she over hears a manager ask one of her employees, "Has my nine o'clock interview arrived yet?" Her eyes open wide and shift side to side as she lowers head.

  Taking a deep breath, she exhales and turns her face towards the opposite direction.

  The employee responds, "No Ma’am, no one has come in asking for you yet."

  With a scoff the manager replies, "Well, she is fifteen minutes late… if she comes in tell her the position has been filled."

  Paying for her coffee, Emma takes a seat and sighs to herself. She questions why she could not just go to the interview and take the job if they offered it to her. Asking herself in deep breaths, "What's wrong with me, why can't I just grow the fuck up?!" Exhaling with a shake of her head, she lets her hair down and takes a sip from her latte. For hours she sits in the bookstore, reading and drinking over sweetened coffees, leaving behind the real world.

  After her third coffee, she walks back over to the Young Adult section to return her books. Emma cautiously looks around her, seeing that no one was around; she stuffs the books in her bulky purse. Acting as if nothing has transpired, she casually makes her way towards the exit doors. She 9

  moves swiftly yet non-saliently through the store, trying to not to draw any attention to herself. Pushing through the doors, she exits and makes her away around the corner of the book store.

  Having done this before, she knows that there are no security cameras or alarms. It is all a matter of getting away without an employee catching her red handed. Feeling she did nothing wrong, Emma looks at as she was taking from people who could afford to cover her theft. This was her way of sticking to the privileged with the motto, "Why should I go without while so many are able to get by in their quest for wants?"

  With ten dollars in her pocket, Emma walks across the street to the restaurant on the corner, a place called the Italian Garden. It is a sub-par eatery chain that offers all you can eat salad and bread sticks for five dollars, not a bad deal if you are hungry and broke. When she walks through the doors, she stands around waiting to be seated. The entrance doors open behind her and in walks a man who immediately catches her eye. He is a tall, pale fellow with sunken blue eyes and medium build, carrying himself in a quiet cool. Emma does all but drools at the sight of him; her first thought is, "He looks like Leland!"

  When his eyes catch her gaze, Emma looks the other way out of scared angst. Standing next to her, the two trade g
lances like high school kids. Making his move he asks her,

  "Hey, what's your name?"

  Clearing her voice, she plays coy, "Excuse me?"

  "Your name, what is it?"

  "Emma…"

  Digging in to his treasure chest of cliché responses, he pulls out, "You look really familiar…"

  Looking on and off at him with wandering eyes, she replies, "Well, I live around here so you’ve probably seen me around town."

  "Maybe…"

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  An awkward silence comes on, rippling through Emma, quivering next to this stranger. She fights coming off as desperate as she tries to play the role of a self assured woman.

  In reality, she is far from the being that she wishes to encompass and she is afraid that he can see through her act.

  Breaking the silence, the stranger whispers by Emma's ear, "I'm Matt, by the way."

  Stepping off to the side, she looks up at him and gives a grin, "Nice to meet you Matt."

  "Like-wise, are you here for the salad and bread sticks?"

  With a smile, she nods, "Yeah… you?"

  "No, I wanted some pasta. Are you meeting anyone here?"

  Shaking her head, Emma answers, "Nah."

  "You want to get a table together?"

  Emma grins bashfully at the invitation, "Sure."

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  CHAPTER 2

  Back at the house, Kelly watches television and relaxes before she has to go into work. As she flips through the stations, Ophelia creeps out of her bed room, looking as if she had just crawled back from the dead. She slowly shuffles down the hall, in a tattered, tan bathrobe and faded pink slippers. Running her fingers through her mangled dark hair, she reaches into her robe for her cigarettes and lighter. Kelly watches her from the corner of her eye, holding nothing but disdain for her mother. Even though she knows that Ophelia has been through hell and back, Kelly cannot justify her mother's constant need for withdrawal.

  When Kelly was two years old, her father left her mother, who was six months pregnant with her sister at the time. James was a drunk, a gambler, and a womanizer who 12

  considered himself "suckered into the life of a family man".

  The two met at a party and from there on had dated off on and on. She knew that there were other women in his life, but she had this certain affection for him that let it slide. After a year of being together, Ophelia became pregnant with Kelly and there was no doubt that it was James' daughter.

  Doing what he felt was right; James married Ophelia and set out on his path to be a father. For a year, James held down a job in construction and gave up his attendance at all night poker games. After Kelly was born tensions started building between the couple, James would get home from work and then disappear for most of the night. Slipping back into his old ways, he would come home late reeking of booze and cheap perfume. Ophelia knew that he was being unfaithful, but she remained silent with the hopes that it was just a meaningless rut. Learning she was pregnant with Emma, she told James with tears in her eyes. Upon James hearing this news, he disappeared for three days on drunken, drug addled bender.

  Stressed from her constant worries, Ophelia called everyone who knew James, but no one could tell her where he was. After calling his brother, he was able to find him and make him go home to his family. With no other options, Ophelia applied for food stamps and government assistance.

  When James came back, he was broke, jobless, and confessed several infidelities. Despite all of this, Ophelia had faith that he would change when Emma was born. After fighting for weeks over no money and lack of food, James agreed to go out and find a job. However when he left, James never came back.

  Days turned to weeks and weeks turned to months, Ophelia finally gave up waiting for him. She received no help from James' family and they all but said they wanted nothing to do with her or the children. Living in Panama City, Ophelia really had no family to help her, with a two year old and new born on the way, she was all alone. Kelly does not 13

  remember her father; she only knows his face from pictures.

  She often finds herself wondering that if she was never born, if her mother would have had a better life.

  As Ophelia drags herself into the kitchen to pour a cup of coffee, Kelly remarks snidely, "Long night?"

  Ignoring her daughter's comment, she asks, "Where's your sister?"

  "She had a job interview Loffington Books, so I dropped her off."

  "That's good. We could use some more money around here."

  Kelly tries to bite her tongue as her mother's words strike a tender nerve. Though she tries to fight the urge, she cannot help but want to explode. Staring at the television in a cold gaze, she grits her teeth as she balls up her fists. As she attempts to stifle the urge to say something, Ophelia comments, "About time she starts pulling her weight around here instead of readin' books all day and listentin' to that depressing fuckin' music."

  Jumping up off of the couch, Kelly shouts, "What the fuck do you do all day?!"

  "Excuse me?"

  "You heard me… how dare you drink your coffee at goddamn noon and pass judgment on Emma!"

  Ophelia yells back, "I've been fuckin' workin' all night to pay the rent!"

  "Bullshit! You spread your legs so you can keep tapping your veins!"

  Glaring at Kelly, Ophelia puts down her cup of liquid breakfast and asks in a menacing tone, "Just who in the fuck do you think you're talkin’ too, young lady?"

  Caught in a loss of words, Kelly's eyes wander around the room, unable to look at the daggers her mother is shooting at her. She knows that she took her venom a step too far and she knows that the fight is useless. They have been down this 14

  road too many times, only to find the same outcome; wasted energy on a wasted argument.

  Taking a deep breath, Ophelia continues, "I never want to hear you talk to me like that again, ya got me? I'm your mother and I deserve respect, you are to honor me… just like it says in the bible."

  Without saying a word, Kelly storms out of the living room and into her bedroom. All she can think about screaming is, "The bible was written before the discovery of black tar heroin!" Keeping her thoughts to herself, she grabs her purse from the top of her bed and walks out of the house; blowing passed her mother without a word. As Ophelia stares into her coffee cup, the fronts slams behind Kelly. Shaking her head, she listens as Kelly starts her car and squeals out of the driveway. Looking up passed the ceiling and to the sky, Ophelia begs the heavens, "Oh, lord, please give me the strength."

  What Kelly does not see and Emma chooses to ignore is, their mother has tried to kick the habit several times.

  However, when that dirty yellow rush hits her bloodstream every negative vibe is turned down in her miserable life. She forgets about all of the men that bed her and she does not think about the ones who have rejected her. The drug consumes her in a world of infinite beauty, where nothing can harm and everything is warm. In the throes of euphoria, she feels the love of being alive whenever a dose is coursing through her veins.

  The come down is always the same for her; dragged back to her true existence of dismayed negligence, kicking and screaming. Surrounded by shadows that resemble every bad decision that she has ever made, she cannot cope without her crutch. As she fades back into this grim scene, she waits to for the next time she will be carried away on the wings of a million poppies. On the surface it would seem that she could care less what her daughters think of her, but that is a just a façade. Ophelia's problem is that she feels too much and all 15

  those feelings drag her back forcing her to constantly relive her past mistakes.

  Emma sits across from Matt, nervously fidgeting around with her napkin and silverware as he smiles at her with a confident cool. His eyes wander, looking her up and down, noticing every curve of her body. She feels his gaze but she does not know how to react, Emma becomes choked up with a nervous energy that forces her to talk.

  "So, umm how old are you?"


  Matt looks her in the eyes and playfully asks, "How old do you think I am?"

  "If I had to guess, I'd say 23?"

  "Is that your final answer?"

  "Am I right?"

  As Matt moves to answer, he is interrupted by their waitress. Emma puts in her order for salad, bread sticks, and a glass of ice water while Matt just orders a draft beer. When the waitress walks away, Matt asks, "So, how long have you lived here in Vero Beach?"

  "We've been her about a month."

  "What d'ya think so far?"

  Emma sighs, "Well, I'm not used to the laid back town vibe. We came from Fort Lauderdale and it's much more of a fast paced city feel there."

  "I know what ya mean; I've lived here since my family moved here in the early 80's. It's really a good place to stay under the radar."

  With a shake of her head, Emma asks, "How can you like it here? It's so damn boring!"

  Matt grins, "Don't judge it just yet, let me show ya around a bit."

  Looking deep into her eyes, Emma blushes and her cheeks rose with various levels of reddish hues. With an awkward smile, she looks away as the sensation of butterflies fills her stomach. The anxious feeling is broken as the 16

  waitress brings them their orders and Emma quickly takes a sip from her water. Snapping out of her bashful bout, Emma wonders why she is acting like she is thirteen again. Nervous and giddy like a school girl palling around with her first crush. Then it hits her, "Matt must have some special connection with me… he must be the one I've been waiting for."

  It has been a long time since Emma has had a boyfriend, let alone anyone she could truly connect with. For the most part, the males in her life have been little boys trying desperately to fill the shoes of grown men. They knew nothing of how to treat a woman nor did they really know what they wanted from one. These kinds of quirks were a big turn off for Emma, even though she was far from being a grown-up herself. She attracted these types of man-children who would crawl within themselves to find a scope of the big picture of life. They remain inwardly focused while lashing out upon the outside without the foggiest clue as to what they were actually rebelling against.